Built to Last – The Marriage Edition (Part 4)
We started this series by asking a fundamental question about marriage – What makes a marriage work? What keeps some couples together through thick, thin, and everything in between for decades, while other unions flounder seemingly right out of the starting gate? What needs to be in your arsenal to make it through the marriage trenches and to navigate the inevitable obstacles that come with going through the distance together?
While it would take several posts to answer this question, we have tried to simplify the answer using the acronym “LAST”
L– Laughter
A- Absolve (Forgiveness)
S– Study
T – Time
The last 3 posts have focused on the 1st 3 items on the list (Laugher/Fun, Absolve/Forgiveness, and Study). Today, we will focus on a very critical element that really gives a fresh breath to marriages…. always. It is the ingredient of spending time – both quantity and quality – together.
All great marriages require an investment of time. And this needs to be taken as a priority. Time spent together strengthens the glue of marriage, while time spent apart (generally) weakens it. Prioritizing time spent together with your spouse then becomes something to aim for, and to guard with all seriousness. You need to be very intentional about it. How much time should I spend together with my spouse, someone is asking? Well, as much time as you can, and as much as is needed.
As we juggle our busy lives, it’s too easy to let our marriages fall into the background. We would never say our marriages were not important to us, yet we often act as though they’re not. Make your marriage your number one priority after God. (E. Sanna)
The quantity of time husbands and wives spend together is only one piece of the puzzle. Quality is also crucial to the health of your relationship. Here are a few ingredients that can boost the quality of time couples spend together.
Regularity: In marriage, opportunities to enjoy each other’s company should not be few and far between. It should be part of the fabric of a couple’s life. Regular outings, date nights, chat time, movie times (etc.), should be planned.
Variety: It is important to make room for novelty and variety, by working elements of the unexpected into your plans. While it is good to have a routine, it is also great to do new stuff – learn something new together, visit a new place/restaurant, do something out of the ordinary. The way to stay excited about being together is to sprinkle in a judicious pinch of spice now and then.
Adventure: Very much related to variety, it may be important to introduce a touch of adventure and excitement into the couple’s together-time. We are not suggesting anything risky, dramatic, or outlandish here, but just an element of the unusual. The idea is just to have enriching experiences of reacting to new things together.
Fun: Time spent together should not just be to discuss serious stuff. If not, you will wear each other out, and not look forward to it. You need to be intentional about making the time spent together fun – laughing and playing together.
Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!
A note of caution as we wrap this up. We are not suggesting that couples spend all their time together. Healthy, vibrant relationships require breathing space. There is a need for a combination of independence, and togetherness.