Built to Last – The Marriage Edition (Part 2)
In the last post, we started looking at the reason why some marriages last long, and stand the test of time, while others don’t. We mentioned that great marriages don’t happen but are built – and they are deliberately built to last. We asked the question “Is there a secret to making a marriage last? Is it possible to live happily ever after? The answer to the question is obviously “Yes”, but then, how do you make that happen?
Marriages that will last must have certain ingredients, that interestingly follows the acronym “LAST”
L– Laughter
A- Absolve (Forgiveness)
S– Study
T – Time
In the last post, we looked at the ingredient of laughter and fun. We opined that a marriage that is no longer fun, is no longer strong. Please, read it before you continue here.
Let’s look at the 2nd ingredient that makes marriages last. May we?
Absolve (Forgiveness)
Without a shadow of doubt, one of the strongest ingredients of a marriage that will last is the ability of both spouses to give and to forgive. The ability to forgive and seek forgiveness is often rated as one of the most important factors that affect relationship longevity.
Marriage is a union between two sinners who need to be relentless forgivers. We have found this to be true countless times in our own marriage. Marriages are not great because spouses don’t offend or hurt each other, they are great because they have learnt to forgive each other, learn from each event, and move on. When you’re in such a close relationship with another human being, it’s inevitable that you’re going to step on each other’s toes. That’s just part of life. The trick is being able to offer forgiveness to one another in a genuine, meaningful way so that when those times come, you’ll be ready to face them head-on.
Forgiveness is surrendering the right to retaliate against someone who has hurt you. It is not the relinquishing of your boundaries and dignity. It is not about suppressing how you feel. It is about wiping the slate clean, even when you have been wronged.
Forgiveness is surrendering the right to retaliate against someone who has hurt you. It is not the relinquishing of your boundaries and dignity.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that we are saying what they did is okay or that it didn’t hurt us; it just means that we are willing to move forward and pursue healing over retaliation. Forgiveness is a choice, and both spouses must actively choose to forgive one another each and every day. When we do this, more peace and understanding will be present in our marriage and family.
The act of forgiveness strengthens your love. It also sets us free, in 2 ways – first, it releases the offender; second, it releases the one who was hurt. Forgiveness benefits the forgiver as much as, if not more than, the person who is being forgiven. It sets us free from being dragged down by unforgiveness, which eventually turns into resentment. And when you hold onto resentment, it does no good for anyone–especially you. There are going to be times when we need to offer forgiveness to our spouse, whether they’ve asked for it or not. When you do this, remember that you’re freeing yourself from a prison of resentment, and graciously offer forgiveness to your spouse.
I know there are people reading this and wondering why we are simplifying forgiveness this way. We know there are people who have really been hurt and hurt several times over. We encourage you to seek counsel on how to handle abuses (physical or emotional), and we’d be willing