Built To Last – The Marriage Edition
In their best-selling book “Built to Last: Successful habits of visionary companies”, authors Jim Collins and Jerry Porras enumerated what it takes to create a successful business or organization that will stand the test of time, and prosper over a long period of time. Throughout their research work, the authors asked, “What makes truly exceptional companies different from other companies”. We have asked the same question about marriage. What makes a marriage work? What keeps some couples together through thick, thin, and everything in between for decades, while other unions flounder seemingly right out of the starting gate? What needs to be in your arsenal to make it through the marriage trenches and to navigate the inevitable obstacles that come with going through the distance together?
When most of us said “I do,” we probably imagined growing old together in a blissful union that would only improve with every passing year. We dreamt of peace and tranquility all around us, with pictures of smiling grandchildren playing on the front lawn. But that vision of happily-ever-after can begin to get cloudy 5-10 years into a marriage, as the responsibilities of work and family life begin to press in upon us, and quality time together naturally declines. Reality starts to set in after a couple of arguments, and a realization that our spouses are far from perfect. It’s at these times that we start to ask ourselves, is there a secret to making a marriage last? Is it really possible to live happily ever after? The answer to all these questions is, “Yes!”
The next question is obvious. How then, do we do that? While we can’t write everything that will marriage your marriage last, we’d like to share some thoughts with you, over the next couple of posts. Interestingly, these thoughts are in line with the acronym “LAST”
L– Laughter
A- Absolve (Forgiveness)
S– Study
T – Time
Let’s dive into each of them and unpack them a bit more.
Laughter (Fun)
Fun-filled marriages have the potential to last for a lifetime. When a relationship is still starting, fun is almost a constant element. Little wonder why courtship is often the most fun phase in a couple’s relationship. The guy is always putting his best foot forward, tries his best to make you laugh through his jokes, amuse you with his anecdotes, and makes you blush through exclamations of his undying love for you. These are all done to make you enjoy and look forward to his company. If he can’t do all these, chances are any effort he makes in wooing you would only go to waste. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you’re not having fun in his company, your relationship will go nowhere. When you’ve finally said yes and ventured into a relationship with him, one of the many essentials you required for the love to deepen is fun. You want every day spent with the love of your life to be a fun-filled day.
A marriage that is no longer fun, is no longer strong.
Almost every research concerning a happy marriage showed a direct relationship between a happy marriage and fun. If you want your marriage to last, you must consciously plan for fun and a lot of laughter together. Now, what is fun to your spouse might not be that fun to you, so you both need to reach compromises, and get involved in each other’s fun world. When last have you both shared a hearty laugh? When last did you tickle her? When last did you relive fun moments from your courtship? When last did you go on a date together? When last did you go for a walk together? When last did you both do something really “silly “together, that made you laugh until your stomach hurt? Pro 15:5 says, “the cheerful heart has a continual feast”. If your marriage is feeling boring, you’ve got to “make some feast”, and make it fast.
Don’t fall into the trap of treating fun as a luxury in your marriage. It is a necessity in a healthy marriage, especially in a society and culture where stress is ruining our lives, our health, and our relationships. Don’t let life get too serious. If your marriage is devoid of fun and laughter, you need to find a way to bring it back. A marriage that is no longer fun, is no longer strong.
To be continued……