When we were preparing to get married, we got so many different counsels from people who meant well. Over the years, we can confirm that some of the counsel we got though well-intended, were quite unhealthy and could be destructive to marriages.
We see many couples facing the same challenge today, and we’d like to share how you should see things instead…
Always follow your heart
This sounds like pretty good advice, doesn’t it?
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).
At our core, we wrestle with selfishness and pride, and we can justify some terrible choices (including dishonesty, selfishness, adultery, etc.) by “following our hearts.” So except your heart has been fully renewed and in total alignment with God’s will, you don’t want to follow it just yet.
Do whatever makes you happy
Our culture values the pursuit of happiness above nearly any other pursuit, but happiness is fickle and temporary, especially when it isn’t grounded in something more profound. Ironically, the people who make happiness their sole pursuit usually wind up as miserable people.
Instead of making happiness the end-goal, go after a life of purpose following God. Serve others and grow daily in your love for your spouse, and you’re very likely to find happiness along the way. Selfish people are seldom happy, and a total focus on your own personal happiness may eventually jeopardize what you share.
Marriage is a 50/50 thing
One could say perhaps a mathematical mind put this one together, giving the idea that, since marriage should be 100% then each party can give equal portions of 50% each.
However, a closer look at this wouldn’t benefit your marriage. It means you get to give just about 50% of all you can bring to the marriage and your spouse does just 50% of all they are capable of bringing as well. So while we agree with fairness in our you handle your marriage, we would rather encourage that you bring your best and your all. Yes, you both bring your 100% game to this union, and that’s only when you can truly enjoy the best as well.
Your kids should always come first
This looks good too, as it gives the feeling of responsibility and selflessness. However, nothing can be farther from the truth.
Instead, you need to give your kids the gift of growing up in a home where their parents are in a thriving, healthy marriage. Work on having the kind of marriage that makes your kids want to get married someday!
Manage your expectations and plan for the worst
This advice comes mostly from those whose marriages have not especially worked well. Be careful about this. While marriage statistics continue to be very abysmal all over the world, one thing is sure – every marriage that follows the owner’s manual has a 100% chance of success!
Your marriage can, should and would work if you base it on the word of God! And when you both do this, you can actually plan for the best.
You don’t have to share all your financial information with your spouse, “just in case”
This is a popular one, especially in some climes. We know some mothers who would call their children apart to give them this advice before they tie the knots – probably because they were burnt in their own marriages. The problem with this is that it breeds a trust issue very early in the marriage. And when the truth eventually comes to the open, you may not actually end up in a good place.
We advise first that you don’t marry anyone you can’t trust with your money, passwords, and plans. And if you’re married already and aware that trust is an issue, we recommend you talk to a trusted and matured person or marriage counselor.
Did you get any of these as well, or perhaps some others not listed? Please share in your comments and let us learn together.
Together we are stronger, Together we win 😎